Of course, the overwhelming answer is, "Why DON'T you hate Auburn?" but it also gave me a chance to think of why I do hate that Cow College across the state, and it was quite simple.
First, let's start with the school itself.
I can't make a trip down to Auburn without feeling like I am going to contract Gona-herpa-syphl-AIDS. Nothing about that campus can make you feel comfortable about touching a doorknob down there.
Second, their whole existence revolves around beating Alabama. No matter what sport it is, even their beloved swimming and diving, they could care less about anything but beating Bama.
That overwhelming sentiment is found obviously in their favorite joke that has been handed down by their parents. You've heard it, no doubt. The whole living off a dead Bear joke. They love that.
On top of that, they have a quote above their locker room that reads, "We have an opponent in this state that we work every day, 365 days a year, to dominate." Turns out, that's a Nick Saban quote. It is right next to a poster that has all the Iron Bowl victory scores from the Tuberville era that says, "Remember the Feeling" on it.
All of that just borders on obsession.
Third, I personally can't stand stupid people, and if you have to count down for every single cheer you do, you're stupid.
Enter Auburn, where every cheer starts with, "1,2,3.." and continues with created English words such as "Wegle" and the extremely intimidating phrase of "Kick'em in the butt, Big Blue." Apparently, they are also Michigan fans.
Fourth, the absolute classless nature of Auburn. If you don't know what I'm talking about right now, you must be playing dumb like you were about to start an Auburn cheer.
If you haven't noticed, Auburn fans enjoy their sole purpose in life so much, that they will count wins on their fingers. They enjoy their streak so much, it is their only crutch to stand on when they get in an argument.
But, on top of all that, the sheer use of the gesture is classless.
Don't believe me? Well, take a look around. Do you see teams like Ohio State, Georgia, or Oklahoma holding up their win streak numbers over Michigan, Georgia Tech, or Oklahoma State? No? You want to know why? Cause they have class and expect to win those games.
Anyways, as classless as it may be, it has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is the top.
That's right, the last reason to hate Auburn is Tommy Tuberville, the epitome of classless. Go ahead and defend him all you want, Auburn fans, but this is the same guy who went "duck hunting" in Arkansas last season when he was obviously trying to get the head job, yet still told you he was an "Auburn man."
This is the same man who said he wouldn't leave Oxford except for in a pine box, then flew in a metal plane to Auburn.
This is the same guy who started the whole "Hold up your fingers, all my followers and simpletons."
But most recently, this is same man who showed the utmost disrespect for his opponent when he said, "We've never lost at Jordan-Hare West, and it ain't gonna start this year...I know they have the Messiah over there, but he might want to take that day off."
Yea, Tommy Tuberville is all class.
So, I know Mercer is well out of town, but there is enough of an explanation right there.
Now, as I said earlier today, I was a day behind on my Auburn "love," so today is a double dose, so here it goes.
Since I was discussing Auburn and their stupidity, here is one of the more classic examples of Auburn stupidity.
No comments:
Post a Comment